Last night I finally slept
it’s been days and days on end.
Last night I finally dreamt
of something besides you.
I dreamt of beautiful faces
and bodies filled with need.
I dreamt of hearts that wanted
and mine was one of those.
I’ll never admit those words again
never say them out loud.
I’ll never let anyone into me
I just can’t lose anymore.
In the dream I was free to love wildly
without hesitation or restraint.
I was pure and raw and full of wonder
as I’ll never be again.
There was passion and fire and connection
there was touch and there was feel.
So many things that I’ve missed for long
and will never allow again.
I can’t let anyone touch me
in any way shape or form.
I can’t let them in where they would have the power
to take it all away.
Supposedly loving, without expectation
is the key to being free.
I don’t understand that so why even bother
what’s the point when you can’t expect?
Expect to be treated with respect
with decency and told the truth.
Expect that someone who claims to love you
would actually mean those words.
So in this quiet place that I hide in my heart
I will dream and be free to feel.
Allow the illusions to fill up the place
that will never be whole again.