Free to feel

Last night I finally slept

it’s been days and days on end.

Last night I finally dreamt

of something besides you.

I dreamt of beautiful faces

and bodies filled with need.

I dreamt of hearts that wanted

and mine was one of those.

I’ll never admit those words again

never say them out loud.

I’ll never let anyone into me

I just can’t lose anymore.

In the dream I was free to love wildly

without hesitation or restraint.

I was pure and raw and full of wonder

as I’ll never be again.

There was passion and fire and connection

there was touch and there was feel.

So many things that I’ve missed for long

and will never allow again.

I can’t let anyone touch me

in any way shape or form.

I can’t let them in where they would have the power

to take it all away.

Supposedly loving, without expectation

is the key to being free.

I don’t understand that so why even bother

what’s the point when you can’t expect?

Expect to be treated with respect

with decency and told the truth.

Expect that someone who claims to love you

would actually mean those words.

So in this quiet place that I hide in my heart

I will dream and be free to feel.

Allow the illusions to fill up the place

that will never be whole again.