The Process of Learning

Distance and separation

become clarity defined.

In the face of standing with nothing to lose

I can truly see everything.

Our life became repetition

became a soulless empty act.

I knew for so long that you didn’t love me

but couldn’t admit it to myself.

So I took the road of shutting down

and taking myself away from you.

I wasn’t going to give you anything

that you didn’t give to me.

I travelled inward as far as I could

to keep it from hurting me.

I pushed away anything and anyone

who might have seen what was going on.

I took myself to a place

 where no one was ever let in.

Ran away from everything

that might have helped me see.

I became terrified at the loss of you

because I knew you would go away.

So I guess I just left before you did

to try to keep it from happening.

I was so lost, so confused, so completely gone

I couldn’t even stand up for myself.

Mixed up and messed up and dying inside

I had no idea where to turn.

When you finally walked out the door

and took everything when you left.

I sat in a house full of empty rooms

and proceeded to die again.

For most of a year, it’s taken me

to find myself now where I am.

Like a child learning to walk and talk

I believe I am beginning again.

I stumble, I struggle, I trip and I fall

almost every day.

But something compels me to get up again

because all that is left is me.