Distance and separation
become clarity defined.
In the face of standing with nothing to lose
I can truly see everything.
Our life became repetition
became a soulless empty act.
I knew for so long that you didn’t love me
but couldn’t admit it to myself.
So I took the road of shutting down
and taking myself away from you.
I wasn’t going to give you anything
that you didn’t give to me.
I travelled inward as far as I could
to keep it from hurting me.
I pushed away anything and anyone
who might have seen what was going on.
I took myself to a place
where no one was ever let in.
Ran away from everything
that might have helped me see.
I became terrified at the loss of you
because I knew you would go away.
So I guess I just left before you did
to try to keep it from happening.
I was so lost, so confused, so completely gone
I couldn’t even stand up for myself.
Mixed up and messed up and dying inside
I had no idea where to turn.
When you finally walked out the door
and took everything when you left.
I sat in a house full of empty rooms
and proceeded to die again.
For most of a year, it’s taken me
to find myself now where I am.
Like a child learning to walk and talk
I believe I am beginning again.
I stumble, I struggle, I trip and I fall
almost every day.
But something compels me to get up again
because all that is left is me.