Education

In three days’ time I will feel you more deeply

a flood in me will violently unleash

Desire unbound will drive me to distraction

I’m not so sure I can take much more than this

Awakened and layers being peeled away

education in the finer arts

I, the student, feeling as if I know nothing

clumsy, unsettled, yet craving ever more

We talked of mirrors and being seen in them

the reflection of oneself in someone’s eye

How that sight can make one suddenly run

the illusion of themselves to clear to see

I feel the depth of that mirror in my soul

that the way I see myself has suddenly changed

That I have been exposed in all my need

and naked I am fighting this desperate need to bolt

Bolt away or bolt the door, no matter

the end result the same, safely away

From the eye with the dead set stare

that looks upon and in to me

Unwavering and level

even as I writhe in pain

I am raw with want for you

I ache for your attentions on me

I cannot cover the desire

in the crafting of words and poetry

You are far to skilled and far too strong

for me to play the role

That I have always played

that I was the one who was strong

To never have been in a place that was safe

to readily let down the guard

To admit to hurt, to wanting

I do not know how to feel

The intensity of these things

and so I’ve cut them out

With sharpened blades on darkened nights

to make them go away

The scars like badges of honor

that I hoped would speak for themselves

But the questions never came

and still the scars remain

You, this stranger, thousands of miles

a million lifetimes away

Saw the scars I’d hidden

and have begun to call them by name.

Leaving hints and clues

opening long closed doors

Now that they have heard their names

they have learned they also have voice

They whispered only briefly

as instantly they were heard

And reassured by a guiding hand

that they need not know the words

To speak slowly yet freely

but now they are starting to scream

You smile at this, I know

but it scares the life out of me

I’m losing control of my control

and you tell me this is alright

So badly torn between the longing to feel

and letting that need expose all of me

 

 

~for my muse~