Unbroken Lines

I’m wondering if that balance even exists

between raw, voracious passion

and living life in straight lines.

I walk them, those lines

day in and day out

from morning until the night.

When the sun begins to fade into the sea

and the clouds begin their dance

with that loving moon.

My time has come to step onto this page

to rip the cover back and bleed

my colors until they run dry.

It is here that I can dream of you and I

with naked skin and souls

lying face to face unfettered.

It is here where I can sing and you can dance

to a song that now lives hidden

within the depths of our hearts.

Here we could see the magic

we could be the motion and the act

of this thing that I know we believe.

In that place the heart would simply beat

the pulse would resonate

and a slow burning would commence.

That drive, that steady hum

would rock us to sleep

in each other’s arms.

But the lines are drawn

and we each stand firmly

on opposite sides.

The lights are bright

and the confusion has become

more than decidedly clear.

That broken lines do not exist

and dreamers will not dream

in the deafening lingering silence.

Questions will go unanswered

and voices will become mute

as passion resumes its steady straight lines.

 

 

In A Blue Lit Room

crack//awaken!

it is quiet here again~

this part is always the hardest

find your resolve~

sweat pouring from pores

sticky yet finally clean.

 

pivotal//powerful!

these are the moments

that will leave you forever changed.

dig in!

tear down!

 

uncover//strip bare!

there is nothing left to hide

nothing left to lose~

in moments such as these

you become pure.

in a blue lit room

the hum of the whirring fan~

prayers said on bended knee

will carry away that hope.

 

hold//on!

and in so doing

learn to let go~

trust

believe

pray again

and again.

 

breathe//in

breathe//out

let your pulse slow

let your soul listen

to the rhythm.

 

sleep//now

let gripping hands release

let clenched muscles rest~

let everything become

 

//peace//

 

Singing ~ a poet's song

this is now the time when

the digging in begins.

when bleeding knees land hard

upon the floor.

I’ve tried to numb these feelings

I tried to drink you away.

I just keep seeing your face

through the eyes of my heart.

I know it doesn’t make any sense

and it doesn’t to me as well.

but I feel this as real

as anything I have felt.

I feel your absence from my day

and your distance from my heart.

the silence where you were

is a sound I can’t take.

maybe I just dreamt the thought of you

I really have no idea who you are.

but maybe there was something

in that tiny little spark.

whatever it was, now it has fallen silent

and I have to bind these pages into books.

leave the books on shelves

where no one will read them.

collecting dust

and losing all of their worth.

this is a poet’s song

and I am singing.

singing of you because

of all the things I feel.

singing in vain you

cannot even hear me.

singing until I don’t long

for the sound of your name.

 

Breathe

 

 

This is a new song. It's just a song about a broken heart and moving on.

 

 

 

~Breathe~

 

 

https://soundcloud.com/andreathepoet/breathe

 

 



The Panic Has Returned

ripped from sleep with a ferocity

that has left me wide awake.

tears pouring down my face

I am looking through windows again.

remembering scenes from a time long past

when I was small and all alone,

and it’s suddenly making so much sense

why the panic has returned.

I was always the one on the outside

the one that didn’t quite fit.

never feeling like I belonged

I always stood at the edge.

on the outside never truly a part

I can see the images now.

moments I had buried so deep inside

I’d forgotten where the hurt came from.

the panic returns when someone leaves

and usually at the sound of goodbye.

I’ve never really connected it all

to those broken pieces inside.

it’s coming now with the force of a scream

and I see what all of it means.

at the love of you and the loss of you

and why this has taken so much of me.

with the depth and the intensity

 of the feelings that we shared.

you awoke in me the feeling

that I was worthy of being loved.

you trusted me in ways

that pressed the boundaries of your life.

to me that represented

that I was worth a risk to you.

you needed me and I felt that

with a desperation and urgency.

further feeding the feeling

that the person who mattered was me.

you opened the door and opened my heart

with a gentle and comforting voice.

telling me that the truth

would help us find our way.

suddenly there was a shift

lights went out and doors closed.

with a silence that made my ears bleed

I was left completely alone.

with open wounds and a heart stripped bare

I was on the outside again.

feeling just like that little girl

who had no one, all alone.

I have been walking around blindly for days

feeling like a part of me has died.

feeling lost and insignificant

not understanding what I’ve done wrong.

I believed that I could trust in you

and you would never break my heart.

but there was too much weight in the layers

of this for anyone to bear.

so now on the fringes I linger again

because good bye feels very real.

I don’t know how to unlock the heart

that I have attached to you.

  

Unresolved

there is this unsettled lingering

of emotion rampant and strong.

anxious heartbeat waking me

throughout the night.

pulse racing and slowing

with no inherent sense of me.

I am spinning with feelings

that I cannot resolve.

fragments of words,

conversations shared.

pictures of stories

that I have written of us.

too much, too deep,

you know exactly how I feel.

too intense, too raw

I know way too much about you.

 how to find consonance

within this dissonance.

where I can find melody

and rhythm again?

is there a way out of the chaos

that has me almost paralyzed?

is there a road here

that I can take to find me again?

I dreamt us into some magical realm

where it would all fall into place.

where you would come to me

and walk into my arms.

you made me feel so wanted and needed

and in that I simply lost my mind.

but the reality now is brutally clear

and I must find a way to lay this down.

is there a way to know you on another plane

another space, another existence in time?

is there a way for me to feel sane again

or will this always be emotion unresolved?

 

The measure of integrity

 

Will silence become
the measure
of my integrity

when all I have
is this desperate need
to be heard?