An excercise in futility

So this was just an exercise in futility

a workbook where you practiced writing your name.

A place where you had come to learn your lessons

and it seems that it was all I meant to you.

You learned your limitations and your boundaries

by stretching mine once you touched my heart.

I guess that’s the danger of meeting people blindly

and trusting them on the weight of their words alone.

I told you what I felt from the depth of my heart

I told you that things were hard for me to take.

I told you that I was trying to be honest

you said, “tell me everything, let’s get to the heart of this”.

Never again to trust a stranger’s words

even one masquerading as a friend.

Someone who is trying you on, to find themself

only to find that the fit doesn’t work for them.

It’s not your fault, or maybe it is, doesn’t matter

my heart hurts and I’m questioning everything about me again.

Based on the fact that you set forth the rules

and I’ve no choice but to let it all lay where it is.

Broken on the floor in tiny pieces

left in silence, unrecognized for its worth.

Your impression is all that seems to matter

that’s fine, for me, I’ve lived through this before.

The intrinsic nature of opening your heart

is in itself the action of a fool.

Leaving yourself wide open without protection

no chance to cover the frailty of your wounds.

I told you everything, everything that I felt

I also told you it scared the hell out of me.

The voice that you used when you spoke to me

is apparently not the one you use every day.

I remember when you wanted me to hear you sing

and the intimate act of calling me though you got scared.

I thought it was Me that you wanted to hear You.

Not just that you have this desperate need

to be heard.

I get it now, I see what I hadn’t seen

that we have no idea who each other really is.

We got caught up in coincidence and lost in pretty words

and what those things meant to each of us.

So I guess for me, now it’s a lesson too

in the aftermath, I had better find something to hold.

Something more than this dark and sickening feeling

that I am the only one who did something wrong.

 

 

Different Perspectives

Trying to see clearly through this lens

but the tears keep blurring my sight.

I am trying to wind this story back

 to the beginning and start again.

I want to see what happened

from a different point of view.

But the only view I have is mine

and it is cloudy and confused.

I wanted to be anonymous

no pictures, no last name.

Just words on pages, telling tales

letting feelings speak for me.

You came in like a whirlwind

and swept me off my feet.

Not once, but twice, we had to take

a step back from the intensity.

I should have known and should have run

and stayed away for good.

But I came back into the conversation

and listened much too hard.

I drank your words like an elixir

that was healing all of my wounds.

Clinging to them through long dark nights

when I was lying here alone.

I tried to do the right thing

and walk away with pride.

“Wait!” and I could not walk away

I thought you wanted me there.

I guess we just got caught up

let our weaknesses lead us astray.

It hurts so much because I honestly did

just get caught up in all that you said.

I felt some very deep, very real things

and I thought that you did too.

But again we have a very different idea

of what actually happened here.  

The Sucker, The Sap, The Fool

I will not apologize for feeling you

the you that you showed me you were.

I will not beg forgiveness for speaking

the words that were in my heart.

I know that you cannot believe

that I feel the way I do.

I know that is probably the greatest

difference between you and I.

I believe, that’s what I do

and I do it to a fault.

I am taken in by tender words

and attentions paid to me.

I’m a sucker, a sap, I play the fool

I do it over and over again.

I always exclaim at the end of it all

that this will be ‘the last time’!

I can’t stop myself though when the feelings come

I can’t quiet them or make them behave.

I am shaken and taken and ripped open wide

at the thought of being seen.

I was taken by you and led

down the roads that you wanted me to see.

I took it all in and you took me

but I got too close for you.

I pushed against the boundaries

you gave me every reason to think that I could.

I listened when you told me

we should be honest about the truth.

I was wrong to trust and wrong to let

myself feel everything I did.

I am sitting here now just thinking

that I miss so many things.

I know it was mere moments in time

and that you probably don’t understand it still.

I hope that the passion and the depth that we shared

is something we both find again.

 

Two Points of View ~ A collaboration

You never know where inspiration comes from. I came across @This_is_Talon over on Twitter and have been so moved by her photography. I've been writing captions to her photos over the last month and I wanted to put them together here in a post to celebrate the beauty of images and words that have come together from two total strangers.

Please visit her blog http://talonted.blogspot.ca/   she is a very gifted writer as well.

 

flying free I watch

untethered, unbound

lifting my own wings

for the wind to catch

and take hold



 

 

 

In this mystical place

I see your face

Beneath a slivered moon

And once again

I feel



 

 

 

 

sky reflected into

a shimmering ripple

seeing clouds floating on water

I want to drift away

 

 

 

brave and bold

her legs tremble

and she wobbles a bit

but tomorrow

you will only see a flutter

and hear thundering hooves

 

 

 

 

 

 

drifting aimlessly

without care to time or day

floating on ripples

crystalline blue

lost in thought

and dreams

 

 

 

 

 

we sit

perched high above

watching with a knowing eye

as we have done

and seen

this all

together

 

 

 

 

 

I watch your petals unfurl

exposing the trueness of you

and I gasp at the beauty

of what I see

before me

 

 

 

touch me

can you feel the scars?

I have lived a lifetime

collecting them

like badges of honor

I wear them now

with pride

 

 

 

 

 

 

and under that painted sky

I see you

deep pink hues

reflecting the beauty

of your tender face

 

 

 

reaching with outstretched limbs

toward the light

solid core

rooted deep

the growing has begun

 

 

 

 

 

one tender fluttering wing

caught in the glimpse of an eye

the distraction left me breathless

left me smiling

 

 

 

 

 

 

and is this how I shall travel

from here

and maybe to there?

hovering above my reflection

for balance

arms stretched wide

 

 

 

 

 

unexpressed emotions

threaded along the branch

that grows out of the core

dangling patiently

waiting to be chosen

picked

 

 

 

 

and I soar

high above all that

has ever held me in place

free, finally

to become

who I am

 

 

 

All photos credited to

Talon

All words credited to

Andrea

 

Excerpts 3

Excerpts is a series of poems I am writing verbatim from dreams. They are significant to me for many reasons. If I can remember them and write them word for word, I think there is a reason for that so I am leaving them here in Excerpts.

At 4 am there was a knock

and you were standing at the door.

He wouldn’t let you wake me

until I woke up on my own.

He asked you simply

“why are you here?”

You said, “I was wrong

and I’ve come to take her home.”

He said, “Sleep on it,

make sure you are sure.”

And he told you to return

in the light of the day.

Suddenly I awoke and said your name

he heard me and came walking down the hall.

He looked at me

at the question on my face.

You were standing behind him

and came into the room.

I stood up and you walked into my arms

you laid your head softly against my chest.

Your arms wrapped around me

you drew me into you.

You kissed me with every word

you had never said.

The conversation became

lips and breath and heat.

Eyes drinking in

the whole of each other’s soul.

Touch that healed every broken piece

caress that soothed every ounce of pain.

As two souls became intertwined

and two heartbeats skipped until they became one.

I looked at you in question

but never spoke.

You simply smiled and said,

“I’m sorry, I was wrong.”