Stride ~ the idioms

~to hit one's stride~

each day with intent

forging a path to somewhere

preparing and plotting a course

then literally setting out on foot

stretch and warm the muscles

tighten the strings on my shoes

the lean slightly forward

and begin with the first step

the breeze against my face

and the rhythmic sound of my feet

is becoming a soundtrack of motion

the only thing accompanying me

as muscles start to burn

and breath strains in my lungs

I focus all of my thoughts

and stride and breath become one

standing tall, shoulders back

deep and full inhale

exhale hard, making room

for new air to fill my lungs

speed is not of any note

as I face a steep incline

distance is the measure

as I lean into the hill

at the precipice a sharp inhale

the path before me levels out

my steps propel me forward

and I find a steady stride

~to take it in stride~

practice daily, center yourself

 with intent and an earnest plan

read and pray and focus

and then open your eyes to see

train your body, train your mind

feed your spirit and your soul

relish the ache that you feel in both

as the dormant parts of you wake

open your eyes with possibility

this is the first time this moment has ever been

before the weight of the world descends

revel in the simple joys

sunrise, singing birds, the quiet of your mind

the simplicity of your soul

the moments before the world awakes

there is plenty of time each day

to feel what life will present

to find the appropriate reactions

and make the required change

but in the first moments of morning

in the first breaths you breathe

steel yourself with the strength

and the take the day in stride

Seeking Normal

last night I was afraid of the dark

of the shadows across the hall

I lay in bed with covers pulled high

and waited for them to leave

I haven’t felt this in quite some time

but know what it all means

that I feel a sense of loneliness

that wants to consume me whole

I heard sounds that weren’t there

clicks and clacks in the night

and I couldn’t find the comfort

that usually rocks me to sleep

short and restless bouts

mixed with time spent too awake

and the night stretched on and on

until the final dream came

this one was chaotic

it was filled with panic and angst

with things that wouldn’t fit into boxes

and time kept slipping away

bad dreams and fear

tales that I know all too well

I’m trying hard to cling to things

that keep me tethered to the ground

nothing is normal anymore

nothing feels the same

time is stretching out endlessly

to days that never come

calendars flip of their own accord

and there is nothing to hold on to

the world is turning upside down

and the clock just ticks and ticks

I need some sort of resolution

something familiar to ground me again

out of sorts and feeling alone

and I’m afraid of the dark again

so I wake up today and make my bed

I can only control myself

my actions and my reactions

and everything else will be

one foot in front of the other

one step, one day at a time

and I pray for the strength to see

and maybe I’ll sleep with the light on tonight

Noise

it’s interesting to notice

the difference in how things sound

the way words bounce off walls

the way they ring in your ears

I know the way addiction sounds

I’ve written line after line 

I’ve assembled strings of words

describing how it feels to be bound  

the sound can be almost deafening

and some days it all goes black

the edges sharp and jagged

scraping against the skin

in the rivulets of pain

that flow from open wounds

streaming sanguine rivers

that simply trickle away

silence screams louder

than any sound ever could

through pacing and internal combustion

and skin that doesn’t fit

I’ve run so far and so fast

to keep the sounds at bay

I’ve run so long that I’ve forgotten

what the voices need to say

yesterday the words

came in short and fast clips

broken sentences abbreviated

language, a foreign thing

tears fueled by anger

by frustration, pain, angst

and the orchestra of cacophony

sang a song I know so well

the overwhelming feeling

of being sick of myself

ran like a loop through my mind

for the entire length of the day

short reprieves in love

and the kindness of strangers, now friends

softened the edges just enough

so the clock continued to move

digging deep into the muck

to climb up out of the mire

begging into the vast unknown

that I see what I need to see

with eyes swollen and burning

with a heart bleeding out on the floor

my knees becoming calloused

from humbling myself here

I am fighting for my life, it seems

a war I cannot lose

with an urgency the battles rage

my will screams in pain

with every victory, white flags wave

in the quiet aftermath

and I revel in the awe of the silence

and how different the calm sounds

Mercy

the spiraling, spinning maze of confusion

stirs itself into the mix of anguish and pain

and aching emptiness

at the bottom of an empty well

a terror so strong it shakes me

at the core of who I am

kneeling in front of an open window

as tears explode from my eyes

I listen for something tangible

as the wind moves through the trees

I listen to the chiming melodies

for the unspoken sound of a word

the key is willingness…

that is the message today

the answer is somewhere in the silence

in the idea of faith

I don’t want to know only the ‘idea’

but still the questions come

and in the cold wind filling my room

I rock back and forth and cry

help me to let go of this pain

of this fear that grips my chest

help me learn to breathe

like the leaves falling from the trees

help me carry this weight

as I buckle beneath the task

I am on my knees

help me, help me please

I don’t know your name

or if I can recognize your face

but I can willingly concede

that there is no other way out of this

in the quiet chill of this morning

as the birds sing to me from the trees

I am willing to surrender

please, have mercy on me…