Maybe if I can forgive myself
I can finally let this go.
I’m tired of feeling all of the things
that I feel about myself.
It all really comes right down
to the things that I’ve never been.
Never enough and always wanting
someone to see who I was.
Maybe if I could first see it
someone else might too.
Maybe if I could see it
it wouldn’t matter who else did.
Seeking validation in the eyes of anyone
because I can’t see it, I never could.
Seeking acceptance from others
because still to it I am blind.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t be for you
more than what I was.
I’m sorry that I can’t be for me
more than what I am.
It’s dark and lonely and getting worse
and the panic has set in again.
The fear of being discovered
masquerading as someone else.
Someone who is strong and brave
and moves through life with grace.
Someone who can sleep at night
because they are doing all they can.
I feel like I’m doing all that I can
and still it’s not enough.
Asking forgiveness mostly from me
for not being who I thought I was.