Unforgiven

Maybe if I can forgive myself

I can finally let this go.

I’m tired of feeling all of the things

that I feel about myself.

It all really comes right down

to the things that I’ve never been.

Never enough and always wanting

someone to see who I was.

Maybe if I could first see it

someone else might too.

Maybe if I could see it

it wouldn’t matter who else did.

Seeking validation in the eyes of anyone

because I can’t see it, I never could.

Seeking acceptance from others

because still to it I am blind.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be for you

more than what I was.

I’m sorry that I can’t be for me

more than what I am.

It’s dark and lonely and getting worse

and the panic has set in again.

The fear of being discovered

masquerading as someone else.

Someone who is strong and brave

and moves through life with grace.

Someone who can sleep at night

because they are doing all they can.

I feel like I’m doing all that I can

and still it’s not enough.

Asking forgiveness mostly from me

for not being who I thought I was.