Wondering

Wondering what forgiveness means

if it means there is no blame.

If there is nothing to be accountable to

if it’s just been washed away.

Wondering what to tell myself

to be able to let this go.

To leave the hurt and the broken pieces

of me lying there on the floor.

Listening to stories

of examples of divine grace.

Of walking through fire and burning alive

yet continuing boldly on.

I am hearing things I’ve never heard

saying things I’ve yet to say.

I am feeling naked and revealed

and the need to turn and run.

I feel like I have been seen

through to the very core.

Listening to the words that you say

and feeling them touch my soul.

I am trying to find my way out of this

this darkness, this horrible place.

I see a lifeline, I feel a hope

your words tangible, something to hold.

I am terrified of letting go

of the bad, awful memories.

They have anchored me here in this shadow

stuck just between broken and healed.