Wondering what forgiveness means
if it means there is no blame.
If there is nothing to be accountable to
if it’s just been washed away.
Wondering what to tell myself
to be able to let this go.
To leave the hurt and the broken pieces
of me lying there on the floor.
Listening to stories
of examples of divine grace.
Of walking through fire and burning alive
yet continuing boldly on.
I am hearing things I’ve never heard
saying things I’ve yet to say.
I am feeling naked and revealed
and the need to turn and run.
I feel like I have been seen
through to the very core.
Listening to the words that you say
and feeling them touch my soul.
I am trying to find my way out of this
this darkness, this horrible place.
I see a lifeline, I feel a hope
your words tangible, something to hold.
I am terrified of letting go
of the bad, awful memories.
They have anchored me here in this shadow
stuck just between broken and healed.