I should have known what it felt like
to be ultimately on my own.
I should have known how my voice would sound
echoing through these rooms.
I should have known what loneliness was
before I knew it was what I would feel.
I should have known how you’d look to me
as I watched you walk away.
I thought that I knew what happiness was
and that I could love away.
The fear that I wasn’t enough for you
though I knew it all along.
I remember the day when I asked you
if you were sure you were choosing me.
I believed what you said because I needed to find
my own value in those words.
I should have known then what I know now
that my worth was negated by you.
That I let your actions and your words
define my own self-worth.
I should have known and should have seen
and should have understood.
But I’d never been really and truly alone
until I gave everything up for you.
Now in this silence I think about
all the words I let you say.
The way I let you make me feel
and where that leaves me now.
It leaves me bitter and broken
it leaves me filled with regret.
It leaves me sick and angry at myself as well
as all of what I feel towards you.
I should have known this would happen
I think in all honesty I did.
I was just so afraid of where I would end up
because I knew it would be here.