I Should Have Known...

I should have known what it felt like

to be ultimately on my own.

I should have known how my voice would sound

echoing through these rooms.

I should have known what loneliness was

before I knew it was what I would feel.

I should have known how you’d look to me

as I watched you walk away.

I thought that I knew what happiness was

and that I could love away.

The fear that I wasn’t enough for you

though I knew it all along.

I remember the day when I asked you

if you were sure you were choosing me.

I believed what you said because I needed to find

my own value in those words.

 I should have known then what I know now

that my worth was negated by you.

That I let your actions and your words

define my own self-worth.

I should have known and should have seen

and should have understood.

But I’d never been really and truly alone

until I gave everything up for you.

Now in this silence I think about

all the words I let you say.

The way I let you make me feel

and where that leaves me now.

It leaves me bitter and broken

it leaves me filled with regret.

It leaves me sick and angry at myself as well

as all of what I feel towards you.

I should have known this would happen

I think in all honesty I did.

I was just so afraid of where I would end up

because I knew it would be here.