Words Seldom Used......O

And this, this letter O:

Od:  a hypothetical force formerly held to pervade all nature and manifest itself in magnetism, mesmerism, chemical action, etc. 

Oe-no-mel:  something combining strength with sweetness. 

Oell-lade:  an amorous glance. 

Obesiant:  movement of the body expressing deep respect or deferential courtesy.

Ode to Od

 

simple gesture seemingly

yet refined in texture and tone

oe-no-mel, this creature

leaves me gasping for breath

caught within the glimpse of my eye

her glance nearly askew

but oell-lade, I catch it

before she turns her head

this hypothetical force

of nature, savage and pure

I believe in its magic

as I stand near enough to feel

she is unbelievable yes

yet I am on my knees

in obeisant pose

thanking the powers that be

singing to the heavens

cracking open the sky

as she has split the shell of me

and set the prisoner free

I sing on high I sing to the low

in rising from under this soul

to let heaven rest beneath me

as we fly wing to wing

this is an ode a lyrical tale

of love and this woman so fair

and ode to od, the power

that need not be explained.

7.10.14

*the photo is not mine, no copyright infringement intended*

Words Seldom Used.......L

Words Seldom Used…..L

For my birthday in 2013, I bought myself Websters Unabridged Dictionary. My love teased me as I called it ‘word porn’ but she understood. For her birthday in 2014 I used that book to create a gift for her. She recently passed and I just uncovered these poems.

I took each letter of her name and went through that letter in my dictionary and wrote down words that I didn’t know, that reminded me in some way of her or us. I meditated on those words until I created a poem from them. As I finished each poem, I repeated the steps with the next letter of her name, completing each one in its entirety before beginning the next. As I reread them now, I recall every step and how I told her I was working on a ‘secret project’. She teased me again.

I am happy to say that she was nearly speechless as for the five days leading up to her birthday, I revealed one at a time to her, spelling out her name. If you knew her, you’d understand what her being speechless meant.

I’m going to share them here as a series, starting with the letter L. I will include the words and definitions that sparked each piece.

Lachesis:  the fate who determines the length of the thread of life.

Lachrymal:  of or pertaining to tears;  producing tears.

Labellum:  the petal of an orchid that differs more or less from the other petals often forming the most    conspicuous parts.

 Lachesis and The Lachrymal Labellum

She was a beauty like none seen before

singular and refined in her oneness.

She. like the single petal,

unlike any other on the stem.

She, the labellum, outstanding

differing in content and form.

She, most certainly conspicuous,

standing out on her own.

Her angelic stature and features

markedly striking a tone.

Heart strings struck nearly instantly

this beauty drawing me in.

Intensely, sensual creature

affecting every part of my soul.

Lachrymal explosion

pouring over me.

Although Lachesis holds the thread

that weaves the loom of our time.

I know that she has become my fate

my forever, forever mine.

7.3.14

*not my photo, no copyright infringement intended*

Breathe

I remember the first day and the first words we shared. It seems you came from out of nowhere, something magical. For four years, the feeling never changed.

You found me, by luck, or some odd coincidence. You read my words and were compelled. You said, you thought I needed a friend. Nothing about that was wrong.

We began an adventure of discovery, of imagination, and of reaching into the places few seldom go. We had an unconventional situation, forced to rely on words to connect us, as we never had the luxury of touch. Our moments were spent telling stories and creating the world we wanted to live in together. We went so many places and saw so many things all within the realm of imagination. You lived a life so unlike mine. You had travelled the world and seen and done things I could only dream of. I lived a lifetime inside my head, with worlds of untapped emotion, creating dreams through pages and pages of words. The only thing that we had in common was a loneliness that we each lived through our own making.

When I look back on our time together, I remember so many things. The time you took me to Paris for dinner and you described everything in complete detail down to the way the air smelled. It is as real to me now as if we’d actually been there together. I remember the midnight carriage ride on a snowy night. The air was so cold that our breath clouded before us but the energy between us was so electric, I never felt the chill. I remember the stories we created. Page upon page, volumes now as I look over them, of the deepest pieces of ourselves worked into fairy tales and dreams. Oh, the things we created!

I fell madly in love with you from the very start, losing myself completely in the wonder of the things we shared. Your energy was endless, your wit and humour knew no bounds and your passion was something I never believed could exist in another person. You understood me, you were patient and you pushed me to be more of myself than I had ever been. I understood you as well and brought out of you the ability to trust and to love.

It was so easy to simply lose myself in the world of our making. To escape the reality of my every day, to wander aimlessly in a creative bliss. And because of you, it was easy to forget the distance that kept us apart. You always said, ‘just dream with me’, and for years, I did.

As the years passed, we loved and grew and fought and cried, living in our hearts what we could not live in life. The distance became harder for me, times when you weren’t as strong, times when I thought the end had come. I began to build a wall around myself,  around my heart, against the inevitable.

Only once, did I ever allow myself to say out loud the things that I wished so deeply for. I loved you openly and without bounds and I cared for you the very best ways that I knew how. But only once did I admit that you were my knight in shining armour and I wanted you to carry me away.  

As time passed, things changed between us, your energy became less and less and our creative world became something different. I knew you would never come home, but I never let you know how that broke my heart. I never stopped dreaming with you, never truly let go of the hope that I held so deep.

The last time I heard your voice, you were no longer yourself. You were angry with me and I couldn’t really understand you. Things had progressed and though I could still feel you fighting with all your might, I knew the time was coming. Your messages became fewer and our time together was gone, just brief snippets of thoughts, broken sentences.

I will never know when you left, the day or the time. I accepted this long ago, that I would love you for the time that we had but that one day you would be gone. I loved you for a lifetime in the years that we shared and I thank god for the time that we had.

Trying to accept this now, is beyond anything I could have imagined. I have never felt so alone, so scared, so empty. You were everything to me, my heart, my soul, my love. I knew your mind, I knew your soul, I knew you so deeply, and we never ever touched.

You always said you wished we’d met when we were young but my Darling, we met exactly when we were meant to. We shared a love that most will never know. My heart is broken and I am grieving you with every breath but I am so thankful for the time I had with you. I have every moment we ever shared and one day I will be able to breathe again.

byefornow my Angel

February Wind

on a warm February evening

I sit and listen to the wind

it rustles through the trees

unseasonal warmth covering me

strange, on a day like this

that I just want to leave this place

to drive off into the dark of night

never to return again

I feel disconnected from everything

there is nothing that holds me still

yet I cannot seem to move

the spiral spinning my head

empty as a I toss and turn

I feel you slipping away 

literally and figuratively

paralyzed, I cannot move

I’ve never been here without you

in this place I cannot call  home

and now the loneliness stings

my legs burning with the need to run

the wind roars and howls

it sounds like the inside of me

yet on the outside no one would know

the numbness that won’t set me free

blessed dreams

oh the power of dreams

bringing me here to you

fueled by the power of loneliness

and this ever-aching need

to the place where reality

took her own life

and clocks and maps

don’t exist

to the place where there

is only you

in the presence

of only me

you’ve told me what others

took from you

and what you were

expected to give

the memories seem

to haunt you still

my Love

I just want us both to live

to wander into this dream filled world

where everything else falls away

where the opening of both our souls

is the only card we play

I don’t want to rise another day

awakened by the sound of my screams

finding myself alone again

and cursing these blessed dreams

~for my muse~

OBSTREPEROUS

the shift became her

or she became the shift

either way, it was immediate

as simple as inhaling

from one moment to the next

tone and timbre had evolved,

or perhaps devolved,

into groan and growl.

with precision focus

unfettered and unchained

she followed the path

as it changed

there was only one purpose

only one destination

yet she followed

with measured steps.

pulse by pulse

breath by breath

words strung together

 in a line

she was at one end

drawing up the slack

inching closer and closer

panting with every breath

closer she drew

the line becoming shorter

as she closed the distance

to the end

sweat glistened

muscles burned

the shift making her

someone else.

suddenly and from nowhere

as if exploding from within

something erupted

from the depths of her soul

she wailed with the sounds

of lust and pain

as if in agony

she screamed and roared.

in the moment, the shift began

she became someone other than her

when the bellow past her clenched jaw

something ripped loose in her soul.

a sound comparable to nothing

I have ever heard before

perhaps the scream at the first breath of life

or the sound when there are no words.

otherworldly and purely savage

raw with no restraint

and then her breath resumed its pace

yet she could barely speak.

like nothing ever before, she said

she had become, in her mind

her body mimicked her every thought

the echo now a moment in time

~formymuse~

Out of Step

                                                                           

she comes from a different time

of this I am all but certain

a time of simpler intricate things

of words that are no longer spoken

her memory, her greatest friend

there are libraries within her

stories my mind cannot comprehend

I delight in their mystical nature

she seems out of step in this place sometimes

out of synch with the calendar’s turn

her heart kept locked up inside of those walls

she watches as if through a lens

it’s not for lack of ability

that she moves at a different pace

it could almost be called an impassioned disdain

for the state and nature of things

so often I am swept up in dreams of a time

when we both could have fit in place

two pieces woven of similar thread

yet in contrast they seem to blend

there is something about the passing of years

remembering things come and gone

so few things now hold any weight

to anchor their place in time

in ways she is like a history book

filled with page after page of lore

with stories of how one becomes

yet never being that thing at all

she tells the tales as if she saw them

yet was never truly there

and now she has found herself wanting

to be the character that defines the tale

~ for my muse ~