Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Lost


I seem to want the darkness now
more than I ever did
it’s comforting in a way
that the light could never be
This solitary existence
has become refuge and prison
in a world I cannot understand
and do not feel a part of
I hurt all the time
in a place I cannot name
the place where I knew you
or who you wanted me to see
The truth is really
I didn’t know you at all
and I am torn between wanting to
and simply letting it all go
I let you lead me into it blindly
 because I wanted to believe
I wanted you to be real
even though somehow I knew
I pass time now in memories
that only exist of moments
nothing connecting one to the next
or me to you
You are gone without word
only the gaping silence
no answer, no reply
only word after word not returned
I am wrapped up and torn
from the desire to understand
you had to have intended
something more than this
The fact that that may not be true
is simply too much
that maybe I was simply
a place to pass the time
I do and don’t want to know
both with the same fierce need
I do and don’t
and am wavering in between
I spend too much time alone
but it’s the only place
I can’t breathe too well lately
and here I don’t have to explain
My thoughts run wildly
from the past back into now
and I spend too much time
looking back
The loneliness in me is rampant
yet looking in from out there
I doubt that anyone can see
how lost I truly am

No comments:

Post a Comment