Acceptance

This is the next stage I have to go through I guess

I’ve been with pain, I’ve been with grief and they’re still here.

This is the part where I have to accept that you don’t love me

that I will never again be able to call you mine.

Your face will never again light up my room

your smile will no longer take me through my day.

Your laughter, your light, and even your darkness

will no longer have anything to do with me.

I don’t know how to find a way to do this

you were what I dreamed of for so long.

You were the one I wanted to be part of my forever

there was never a day when I wasn’t glad it was you.

We weren’t perfect, we had challenges, we had things that needed fixing

but for me none of that was beyond what we could do.

I would’ve done anything and with you I wanted to be everything

with myself alone there is very little that I care about.

I don’t know how to stop wishing you would come home

that this was a mistake, I promise, I can forgive.

But you don’t love me anymore and although you won’t say those words

I get it, I know, it’s really all I can feel.

Sometimes I just wish you would have said it out loud

and sometimes I’m truly glad you never did.

If the words passed your lips and I had to hear you say them

I’m afraid it’s something I’d never be able to forget.

Enough of this rolls around in my head day after day

enough of the things I wish I didn’t know. 

Ignorance is bliss when trying to heal still-bleeding wounds

not knowing somehow cushions each new stage.

I’m trying to let go with grace and kindness

I’ve walked around for months in anger and hate.

While they gave me protection from things that just hurt me far too much

they’re making me sick and bitter and rotten inside.

I can’t forget all the things that happened

but there is nothing to be gained by holding on to them now.

 I have to find a place where I can bury them in the ground

and lay them to rest where they no longer live in my mind.

 You are never coming home again

you have started another life.

You will never be my girl again

and it’s time for me to learn to say goodbye.